I've calmed down since my last post. My mother and I have made up (as if anyone actually reads this thing lol) and we have a new respect for each other. She's being more receptive to my thoughts and ideas and I am giving her the same respect. We're communicating much better and I'm living my life as an "adult" in her eyes. Now, that being said, I have new responsibilities since I told her how I felt. I now completely pay for my own gas (which is about 10 dollars worth every week. i don't make enough money to put a full tank in it. 10 dollars usually gives me roughly 3 gallons of gas. Meaning I can go 100 miles before filling up again. During the summer, it's not that big of a deal but once school starts, I doubt 10 will get me through the entire week.) and I also am more independent when it comes to errands on the weekend. I play the drums and I have a lesson every Saturday. Before the email was fired to my mother, my father or her would take me because the drum lesson was way out on Lakeland Drive. Well, since then, I've expressed that I would be taking myself. It works out perfectly for me anyway. I can relax when I drive out there. I can get my thoughts straight and listen to music that has a good solid drum beat that I can follow. So, since my last blog, all has become well. Now, the reason for this blog.
I had to go to the bank today. I love it because I'm depositing my money that I worked for. Only bad part is I only get so much a week with babysitting. I get a good paycheck, mind you but the big paycheck I only get once a month. Then I get a paycheck from the other child I babysit which is usually what keeps my gas tank not on empty. But today was a bit different. I didn't have the seven year old. I got up early (as I always do when I have him) and unlocked the door. As I was coming back into my room, my cell phone buzzed telling me that I had a text. So, I got it out of my purse and checked it. It informed me that the seven year old would be staying with his stepdad. So, I had the day off. So, I came out of my room and into the living room. My mom's door was shut. Now, naturally since it's 7:30 in the morning, the first response is that she overslept. So, being the well behaved daughter that I am, I gently open her door and tell her it's 7:30. She informs me that she knows and she's staying home today to clean the house. Of course, that made a little light click on in my head saying that she should have some help cleaning. So, I told her I'd vacuum and dust as well as clean my bathroom and my bedroom. She told me that was fine but sent me on an errand first. I had to take both hers and my deposits to our separate banks. I purposely went to my bank last because it made more sense since my bank was right at a redlight on 49 and I could go 49 south to get back to my house. There was virtually no traffic so, I didn't have a problem. Or so I thought. As I was approaching the last Richland redlight down 49, the light turned yellow. I was about 50-100 feet away from the light when it turned yellow and I thought I could make it through. Wrong. As I was going through it, I looked up and saw that it had just turned red. I thought I'd be okay so, I scooted on along the rest of my destination. That is, until, I saw the familiar sight of red, blue, and yellow. Richland's finest was sitting at the last redlight and saw that I had ran it. Now, I was booking around 60-70 miles an hour down 49. Speed limit's 55. My natural response was that I was speeding. Nervously, I waited for him to come to my car. Sighing, I put the car in park and took off my seatbelt, anticipating him to ask me to step out of the car. My car is a mess and that is a redlight for a search for drug contraband. I had nothing to hide but that's what I was anticipating. I never turned the car off. But I took my seatbelt off. Here he comes to my window. First response was, "I'm so sorry officer." The last thing I wanted was a ticket. You see, when I got pulled over the first time (in the Flowood distrcit), my story didn't really make sense. I knew what I was trying to say but being so nervous, I couldn't get my story out right. Well, this time I was prepared. The speed honestly gets away from me on 49 because there are so many hills. And as it turns out, I was coasting down a hill on the way to the Florence limits. I hadn't made it there. He was older and the assumption was he was a Sargeant. Smart thinking. He was. How do I know? Younger police officers always went back to their car to check the license number. This man took my license and ran it at the window of my car. He had a fixed grin on his face as he listened to me appologize. He crossed his arms and said, "What do you think I pulled you over for?" This question was a bit confusing. But I answered with, "Honestly, I thought I was speeding." This prompted a chuckle from him. "Well, you were but i can look past that." He said. I looked at him rather strangly. "Then, what was I pulled over for?" I ask him, calming down a little bit. "You ran the redlight at Conoco." My heart dropped. "Really?" I asked nervously. He nodded slowly and handed me back my license. He grinned, tipped his hat, and said, "Have a good day, ma'am." I smiled and lit up and said, "I get a warning?" He grinned, turned, and said "Yep. Have a good day, kid." He winked and returned to his car. So, I got a break. Which I'm not complaining about. It's awesome when things work out like that. It was awesome.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Dude, this pisses me off.
And I don't freakin care if my mother is reading this. I'm gonna say what I feel and I can because this is my journal and I express my thoughts freely. Don't like it? Don't read it, mother.
I'm not happy. Wanna know why I'm not happy? My mother. She has a really bad habit of pulling this stupid ass petty guilt trip whenever things don't go just perfectly to her freakin liking and by damn, I'm sick and DAMN tired of this. I am 20 years old. And I'm sick of all of this crap. Let me explain.
This week, my nephew has been down from Kentucky to give his mother, my cousin a break because she just had her second child. So, little 18, almost 19 month old nephew Will has been down with us. Now, I knew he'd be down here and I don't have a problem with it. Wanna know what I have a problem with? My parents. Will's been an absolute dream. He's been perfect.
My mother won't listen to anything I have to say about any of this so, I have resorted to writing a damn blog about it just to get my freakin two cents in. Wanna know why? Because my mother thinks that she is queen of the damn world. What does that mean for me? I can't get a freakin word in edge wise! So, I have to write about it in this blog and if she chooses to read it, then by damn, read it. This is the only thing I have that she doesn't have. She followed me on myspace, she followed my on facebook and with her looking over my shoulder, I always felt that I couldn't express my thoughts and opinions myself. I will not mention her name just for her privacy sake but let me explain. Most of the time, I love her. No, all the time I love her. It's her character traits I hate. She has this really bad habit of putting a guilt trip on whomever is around her. Anyone that knows her would disagree. But guess what, folks, Mama D ain't so sweet all the time. Ask me or my brother and even my dad. We will all atest to the fact that she has one hell of a guilt trip talent. I can't stand up to her because of the whole damn respect factor. So, I have to resort to telling the world about it in my blog. Yeah, ain't that sad? Well, it's true. Okay, let me finish my story.
My nephew's down this week. The first night he was here, we were all sitting in the living room enjoying him and watching him play. Naturally, we set the play pen up in Mom's room thinking that she would want him in there. I can't remember whether or not it was me or my father who asked where Will would sleep this week. My mother looked straight at me and said, "I thought we were clear that he would sleep with you." Now, keep this in mind. I have no problem letting Will sleep in my room. In fact, I welcome it. I love him. And I would not mind one bit having him with me. I just was not told that I would have him. And I tend to studder my words when things take me by surprise. My mom thinks it's me making an excuse because it came out as, "Well, I...uh...okay. Uhm, when was this decided?" Not my best choice of words. It was suppose to come out something like, "Oh, that's cool. I didn't know this but it's cool." That would have been better, right? Yup. But me in my studdering self made her think that I didn't want him in there. Her next response was, "He'll sleep in my room, if it's too much of a deal with you. My God, April, if you don't want him to sleep in your room, then just say so." All of this said in a very mean and sarcastic way as if I was saying, "He's a hell child and I don't want to incovenience my life and have him in my room waking me up at all hours of the morning." I babysit kids for crying out loud. I get up EVERY morning at 6:30 or 7. You think I would care if he slept in my room? Hell no. But to her, it was apparently "disrespectful." Whatever. It wasn't. I didn't have a problem with it.
Well, after that last statement she said, I just turned around with a hurt look on my face and went to my room. Not fifteen minutes later, I walk back in the living room and see Will's play pen in Mom's room. So, the next day, she says to me, "April, he's gonna have to sleep in your room tonight because I get up at 5 to get ready for work." Well, this time I was a little better with my speech, anticipating that she'd come forward and ask me that. I immediately responded with, "Sure, no problem." In a very positive voice. Now, she would think that what she said got through to me and I was sorry. In a way, I wanted her to believe it. But I was never being disrespectful to her. Never.
So, he slept in my room that night and every night he's been here. Again, I don't have a problem with him sleeping in my room. He's a sweety. Well, today, I wasn't feeling as perky as usual. This happens at this time of the month. I wasn't as cheerful as I was. Welp, Will and I played tonight and at about 9 or 9:30, I came out in the living room. Will was crying and I heard him from my room. So, I came out to see him and see what I could do. He was fighting on the couch. Mom was trying to get him to calm down enough to sleep. He fought and I asked what was wrong and Mom looked up and said, "I'm trying to get in to sleep." So, I stood there for a moment and Mom stood from the couch and went to the rocking chair. Well, it was obvious that Will didn't want to go down without a fight. I looked at him and he giggled. Mom looked at me and said, "I'm trying to get him to sleep." I simply nodded and looked at the TV. Through the corner of my eye, I could see him still looking at me, smiling. I made the statement, "I'm trying so hard not to look at him." Mom sighed and said, "Well, he's gonna keep looking at you as long as you stand there." I nodded, turned around and stated, "Well, I'll fix that problem. I'll go to my room." Here's where the story builds up to what the first half of the blog states. She came to my room not five minutes later, Will down by her side. What she said to me pissed me off but I pretended that I learned a lesson. She said, "Let me tell you one damn thing. You act as if having Will down here is an inconveniece to you. You barely help take care of him during the day then, you disappear in your room at night and stay in there until someone comes in there with him already asleep and put him down" and so forth and so on. This pissed me off. I love my nephew. But I'm not the pro with the kids here. I did not ask to have him down here and I wasn't expecting me having to watch him 24/7 which I don't. They, or my mom, think that I don't want him down here. Bull. I love him. I will never EVER turn my nephew away. I love him and I play with him. She came in my room right at 10 and laid him down. She didn't even look at me. Hey, that's fine with me. She's about to get an email fired at her. And I'm not holding back. I'm sick and tired of this crap. I'm 20 years old, damnit. I am an adult and she has NO authority over me. The only reason I still live at my stupid ass home is because I go to Hinds and they don't have on campus living only the one in Raymond does and I go to the one in Rankin county. But she's about to get a nice email sent to her. I hope it reaches her because I ain't holdin back. Have a nice damn night.
I'm not happy. Wanna know why I'm not happy? My mother. She has a really bad habit of pulling this stupid ass petty guilt trip whenever things don't go just perfectly to her freakin liking and by damn, I'm sick and DAMN tired of this. I am 20 years old. And I'm sick of all of this crap. Let me explain.
This week, my nephew has been down from Kentucky to give his mother, my cousin a break because she just had her second child. So, little 18, almost 19 month old nephew Will has been down with us. Now, I knew he'd be down here and I don't have a problem with it. Wanna know what I have a problem with? My parents. Will's been an absolute dream. He's been perfect.
My mother won't listen to anything I have to say about any of this so, I have resorted to writing a damn blog about it just to get my freakin two cents in. Wanna know why? Because my mother thinks that she is queen of the damn world. What does that mean for me? I can't get a freakin word in edge wise! So, I have to write about it in this blog and if she chooses to read it, then by damn, read it. This is the only thing I have that she doesn't have. She followed me on myspace, she followed my on facebook and with her looking over my shoulder, I always felt that I couldn't express my thoughts and opinions myself. I will not mention her name just for her privacy sake but let me explain. Most of the time, I love her. No, all the time I love her. It's her character traits I hate. She has this really bad habit of putting a guilt trip on whomever is around her. Anyone that knows her would disagree. But guess what, folks, Mama D ain't so sweet all the time. Ask me or my brother and even my dad. We will all atest to the fact that she has one hell of a guilt trip talent. I can't stand up to her because of the whole damn respect factor. So, I have to resort to telling the world about it in my blog. Yeah, ain't that sad? Well, it's true. Okay, let me finish my story.
My nephew's down this week. The first night he was here, we were all sitting in the living room enjoying him and watching him play. Naturally, we set the play pen up in Mom's room thinking that she would want him in there. I can't remember whether or not it was me or my father who asked where Will would sleep this week. My mother looked straight at me and said, "I thought we were clear that he would sleep with you." Now, keep this in mind. I have no problem letting Will sleep in my room. In fact, I welcome it. I love him. And I would not mind one bit having him with me. I just was not told that I would have him. And I tend to studder my words when things take me by surprise. My mom thinks it's me making an excuse because it came out as, "Well, I...uh...okay. Uhm, when was this decided?" Not my best choice of words. It was suppose to come out something like, "Oh, that's cool. I didn't know this but it's cool." That would have been better, right? Yup. But me in my studdering self made her think that I didn't want him in there. Her next response was, "He'll sleep in my room, if it's too much of a deal with you. My God, April, if you don't want him to sleep in your room, then just say so." All of this said in a very mean and sarcastic way as if I was saying, "He's a hell child and I don't want to incovenience my life and have him in my room waking me up at all hours of the morning." I babysit kids for crying out loud. I get up EVERY morning at 6:30 or 7. You think I would care if he slept in my room? Hell no. But to her, it was apparently "disrespectful." Whatever. It wasn't. I didn't have a problem with it.
Well, after that last statement she said, I just turned around with a hurt look on my face and went to my room. Not fifteen minutes later, I walk back in the living room and see Will's play pen in Mom's room. So, the next day, she says to me, "April, he's gonna have to sleep in your room tonight because I get up at 5 to get ready for work." Well, this time I was a little better with my speech, anticipating that she'd come forward and ask me that. I immediately responded with, "Sure, no problem." In a very positive voice. Now, she would think that what she said got through to me and I was sorry. In a way, I wanted her to believe it. But I was never being disrespectful to her. Never.
So, he slept in my room that night and every night he's been here. Again, I don't have a problem with him sleeping in my room. He's a sweety. Well, today, I wasn't feeling as perky as usual. This happens at this time of the month. I wasn't as cheerful as I was. Welp, Will and I played tonight and at about 9 or 9:30, I came out in the living room. Will was crying and I heard him from my room. So, I came out to see him and see what I could do. He was fighting on the couch. Mom was trying to get him to calm down enough to sleep. He fought and I asked what was wrong and Mom looked up and said, "I'm trying to get in to sleep." So, I stood there for a moment and Mom stood from the couch and went to the rocking chair. Well, it was obvious that Will didn't want to go down without a fight. I looked at him and he giggled. Mom looked at me and said, "I'm trying to get him to sleep." I simply nodded and looked at the TV. Through the corner of my eye, I could see him still looking at me, smiling. I made the statement, "I'm trying so hard not to look at him." Mom sighed and said, "Well, he's gonna keep looking at you as long as you stand there." I nodded, turned around and stated, "Well, I'll fix that problem. I'll go to my room." Here's where the story builds up to what the first half of the blog states. She came to my room not five minutes later, Will down by her side. What she said to me pissed me off but I pretended that I learned a lesson. She said, "Let me tell you one damn thing. You act as if having Will down here is an inconveniece to you. You barely help take care of him during the day then, you disappear in your room at night and stay in there until someone comes in there with him already asleep and put him down" and so forth and so on. This pissed me off. I love my nephew. But I'm not the pro with the kids here. I did not ask to have him down here and I wasn't expecting me having to watch him 24/7 which I don't. They, or my mom, think that I don't want him down here. Bull. I love him. I will never EVER turn my nephew away. I love him and I play with him. She came in my room right at 10 and laid him down. She didn't even look at me. Hey, that's fine with me. She's about to get an email fired at her. And I'm not holding back. I'm sick and tired of this crap. I'm 20 years old, damnit. I am an adult and she has NO authority over me. The only reason I still live at my stupid ass home is because I go to Hinds and they don't have on campus living only the one in Raymond does and I go to the one in Rankin county. But she's about to get a nice email sent to her. I hope it reaches her because I ain't holdin back. Have a nice damn night.
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