Here comes a real Journal entry.

Today has been less than good, I'll be honest. It seems like every where I turned, another bad thing happened to me. Has anyone ever had one of them days? Well, today was one. Satan was really after me today. I found myself sitting in front of my left closet crying. I looked up at my ceiling and said, "Why are You doing this to me??" I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth. I actually blamed God for my bad misfortunes of the day. That was wrong of me. Satan was sitting on my shoulder saying, "Blame God. Blame Him. He did this to you." Wrong. Satan did that to me. But let me start at the beginning.

I had (and I emphasize the word "had") a friend named Liz. We aren't on talking terms at this point and time. In high school, we were good friends. But Liz had a problem with me. I was very dramatic. I got upset at things so easily and I actually woke up each day and just decided I was having a bad thing. You'd think I was bipolar if you were around me at home and then at school. It was like night and day. I was happy and perky at home but low and depressed at school. And it wasn't my school. It was just my personality. There was nothing wrong on the particular days. I just was sad and depressed. Well, Liz was one of my friends that dealt with my depressing nature. Her senior year came and she switched to Brandon High. (I went to Hillcrest Christian) We lost touch after that. As life went on, I started thinking about my life back in high school. I'm not saying it was a long time since I have been out of high school but it has been a couple of years. I actually look back on some of those days and say, "God, what was wrong with me?!" I wouldn't even be able to stand me. But during my senior year of high school, I started Rping on MySpace.com. In the span of the years that separated high school and now, I met a girl named "Tiffany". It's not her real name but I'll use the name Tiffany for blogging purposes. She was THE most annoying girl I think I have ever met! She was one of my Rpers. But as I got to know her, I started seeing a familiar scene. She found a reason to have a bad day. It was for the STUPIDEST reasons! And then, the light clicked on. I acted like that in high school. My exact words to myself was "Now I know why Liz hated me." Well, as soon as I realized that, I started trying to find Liz in whatever way I could. Luckily, she had a myspace. I immediately started trying to make amends with her. She wouldn't hear of it. She wouldn't even talk to me. I can't say that I blame her. I wouldn't talk to me either. I just wish I could talk to her again. I just wish she'd sit long enough to listen to me. I started a composition book full of notes about her. But I want her to read it and let me say how sorry I am to her. Okay, that was the first part of my day. Here comes the second part.

I told you I Rp on MySpace. Well, one of my really good friends (and an excellent Rper) informed all of us that she would be basically abandoning her character because the stress was too much. I was literally devasted. That was a big hit for me. But now we have the third thing.

I love my mother. She's the best woman in the world. She's a wonderful role model for my brother and I. But there are days (much like the rest of us) that she can be in a bad mood. This morning was no exception. She wasn't just in a bad mood, she was late for work. Double whammy. But here came the triple whammy. Her hair dryer quit. So, at 7:15, (I'm still asleep) she comes in my room and tries to unplug my hair dryer to use it. Of course, I heard her trying to do this and I sat up saying, "What are you doing?" She explained her story but as I'm listening to her struggle, I remember that my mother and I plugged up my hair dryer behind my dresser with the mirror on it. It's literally impossible to get out. Or so I thought. I told her that I thought Dad had one in his bathroom. So, she went trying to look for it and couldn't find it. So, again, she comes and knocks on my door to get mine. I open the door, still half asleep, and she says, "I can't find his and I'm in a hurry. Just give me yours." So, here I went trying to push my dresser out a little bit so I can get my hair dryer out for her to use. I ask her to help me but we couldn't make it budge. I began trying to reach behind the dresser trying to shimmy the plug out. In the midst of that, I say, "I'm tryin, Mama." Then, she snapped. "SHUT UP! Tell me you're tryin." Well, I didn't say another word. I sat down beside my dresser and tried, and I do mean tried, with all my might to get that plug unplugged. My arm is burning because it's sanwiched in a very small hole. I find the cord to the plug and try to pull as hard as I could. I'm almost crying because it hurt so bad. But not wanting to face my mother's wrath of her being late, in a bad mood, and already annoyed with me, I don't say a word. I just keep a pained look on my face (it was the least I could do. I wouldn't dare cry in front of her at this point. I would be afraid she would tell me to shut up again.) and pulled with all I had. Finally, I ripped it out. I look at her and say, "I got it." She snatched the hair dryer and walked out. I just had to sit there for a moment. Here it was, about 7:30, and I am already in a bad mood. I've already been yelled at my mother and I should have even been awake yet. But I was. And I wasn't a happy camper. So, I get up and sit on my bed, still trying to get my arm to stop throbbing in pain. All of the sudden, my phone makes the noise it does when I get a message. Now, on Wednesday's, I normally got a text message from Cingular telling me about some free crap they wanted to upgrade my phone with. But it was too early for that. So, what could that be? My mother. It read, "You bent the prongs on my hair dryer when you pulled it out. I couldn't bend them back. But it's okay because my hair dryer works fine now. Just use mine and I'll fix it tonight. Sorry." Now, the last "Sorry" could be anything. It could be, "I'm sorry your hair dryer is messed up." or, "I'm sorry I yelled at you." I couldn't tell which. But once I read that, I started thinking to myself. If she had waited a couple of minutes, her hair dryer would have worked fine. I wouldn't have gotten yelled at and maybe my day would have been better. I would have gotten my full 8 hours of sleep before I went to class. But I didn't. But, no, that's not where the day ends!

So, I went to class and came home. And usually when I get home, I play Guitar Hero. It's to relax. Well, when I got tired of that, I thought I'd watch some TV. Well, with the way our surround sound box works, you turn the box to DVTH Cable to make it come back. So, I did. But you also have to use the actual TV remote (and you can't turn the TV itself because it's an HDTV) to make the TV turn back to the cable HD. Well, I couldn't find the remote. So, when my dad got home, I kindly asked him to help me find it. "I'll do it when I get a chance!" Yeah, like I need more people yelling at me today. I'm already thinking of Liz, my fellow Rper that left me, and my mother yelling at me for virtually no reason. And now, I'm getting yelled at by my dad. Well, that was enough. I stormed to my room, locked my door, sat on the floor and just cried. And I found myself looking up at my ceiling saying, "Why? Why this? Why now? What did I do? I asked You for help. I asked You. Why are You doing this to me?!" I couldn't believe these words were coming out of my mouth. I was blaming the wrong person. I should have flicked that little devil off my shoulder and said, "Go back to Hell, Satan."

Even I have bad days but it's never a reason to blame God. Please remember that. Though you have bad days, don't blame God. He's there. He's watching. And He will interfere when He feels the need. He gave me those things to learn a lesson. And that is patience. And boy do I need it. And I'll leave you with this from the song, Still the Cross by FFH. "When the world falls apart, and you fear for your home, in the tower of peace, it's still the cross. So bring your sick and your poor, and your longing for more, to the place of release, it's still the cross. There is hope for the lost, it's still the cross." Take those lyrics to heart. They taught me a lesson today. Hopefully it can help someone else reading this blog.

†Peace.†