Something Beautiful

Take a moment and look outside. Look at the clouds. Look at your neighbor's house. Look at your pet (dog, cat, bird, etc). I look at these things and see how beautiful they are. I am beyond blessed to have everything I do. I take it for granted sometimes. That's wrong on my part. God blessed me with everything I have right now. I have a beautiful home that my parents have raised both my brother and I in, I have food every day and night, I have clothes on my back.

I have to admit, I often don't think about the little things I have. I think of them as something that makes my life easier. But think about this. I have a car. My mind set is it is something to make my life easier. But what about those who don't have cars to drive like we do? I have a friend that I go to school with that lives in South Jackson in a run down house that was built in the 40's. His family can't afford more than one car. He is in college and he is driven by his mother to school every day. On most days, he is dropped off as early as 7AM and not picked up until 5PM. I remember those days. It was before I got my license. I was in the 9th grade. I got dropped off by my dad (or mom depending on who was ready first) at 7 and not picked up until right at 5. It's boring. Seriously. But I had the luxury of having a ride from place to place. What about those who don't have anything. They don't even have one car among the family. My ex boss when I work as a security guard was talking about a person who was often late for work. Why was he late? He had to ride a bike from South Jackson to Richland. Can you imagine how long that ride would be? He is very fit, mind you. But my boss at the time was talking to me one day about this guy. Her words to me were "Cars now-a-days only cost about 200 if you don't want to go top of the line." Of course, her being my boss at the time, I didn't want to smart off to her and get fired. But I was thinking to myself, "Maybe he can't afford a 200$ car. Maybe he's doing like much of the world and living paycheck to paycheck. He probably had bills and everything like that." We're not all fortunate, you know.

I've noticed something absolutely amazing though. Those who are very well off are often always wanting more or upset by little things. Yet, I remember going on mission trips to Mexico to basically a third world country neighborhood and seeing those bright faces of those sweet families. The children were so beautiful and sweet. You almost have to wonder what it is like down there. The families are in tears when they see us coming to help them. They are blessed to have anything they need. They mostly live off of dirty water and bread. Sometimes not even that. We cook them a big meal and give them clean water. They are so blessed by us. It brings me to tears. It's beautiful. Something Beautiful.

I think about five years in the future. I picture myself getting married. I picture my daddy, my own personal teddy bear, walking me down the aisle. Me telling him, "Daddy, don't let me fall on these heels." and him replying, "Don't worry, baby. I won't let you fall." I see my future husband with a big smile on his face. I see my brother as one of the groomsmen of my future husband. I see my mother crying on the front row. I picture my dress. It is long, flowing, and white. I don't have a vail and I'm really barefooted under the dress but no one can see it because the dress is so long. I come up to the front of my church where Benton is standing to marry my husband and I. Benton smiles at my father and I and gently says, "Who gives this child away?" My dad smiles and says, "Myself and her mother." He gently takes my hand and places it through my future husband's arm. That is Something Beautiful. I leave you with the lyrics to this song by the NewsBoys called Something Beautiful.

I wanna start it over
I wanna start again
I want a new beginning
One without any end
I feel it inside
Calling out to me

It's a voice that whispers my name
It's a kiss without any shame
Something beautiful
Like a song that stirs in my head
Singing love will take us where
Something's beautiful

I've heard it in the silence
Seen it on a face
I've felt it in a long hour
Like a sweet embrace
I know this is true
It's calling out to me

It's the child on her wedding day
It's the daddy that gives her away
Something beautiful
When we laugh so hard we cry
It's the love between you and I
Something beautiful

Driver's Ed again?

So, tonight was my night to go to driving school. Technically, it's called the Defensive Driving School. In short terms, it was Driver's Ed for adults. Or students really. Most were students, some were adults, and some were famous. But we'll get to the famous one in a little bit.

So, 5pm on the dot, I arrive at the Flowood Police Department. My mom is there to give me the check. Now, remember that I had just gotten back from the doctor. I couldn't take any Phenergan until I got home tonight. Luckily, the nausea subsided a little during the driving school but came back half way home. Luckily, I got home without getting sick and took a Phenergan. Now, I'm half way sleepy.

The school taught me a lot about the crazies out there. The funny part was I knew all of the things he taught me. Why? I took Driver's Ed in 10th grade. True, that was only five years ago but still. I don't remember most of it but it jogged my memory when he talked about it.

On a side note, Julie Straw (Reporter for WLBT) was there. I didn't know it was her at first. She took a seat behind me and the instructor called her name. I looked up only because I look up when anyone calls a name. When she turned around to come sit back down, that's when I realized who she was. I never said anything to her only because I knew she probably wasn't happy for being there. Much less, neither did anyone else in the room. But that was interesting to me.

The ticket is now off my record and as long as I keep doing the speed limit, I won't get another ticket to add on my record. According to the instructor, I passed with flying colors.

The "Ew" factor

Is it possible to spread a disease from just emailing? When I heard that Barbie Bassett was sick (by her blog), I emailed her and asked her how she felt. This was last night. She said she was better but she thought it was a stomach virus. Now, I had known that it was spreading around, and maybe I did catch it from one of my class mates but how weird is this? I have a stomach virus the night after I emailed Barbie. Coincidence? I don't know. I was up most of last night in and out of the bathroom and I thought I was okay enough to go to class. That was, until, I got to class. I made it fifteen minutes before getting sick again. I decided that was it. I called my parents, got a check from them, and went up to MEA. The doctor said that the virus was going around and to be on an all liquid diet for 24 hours. I'm staying home tomorrow, as spoken by my doctor. I have to go up to Flowood Police Department to do my Defensive Driving School. It's from 5:30-9:30. I think I can make it but man, it makes me feel rotten.

The Hospitality State?

I grew up in what is named The Hospitality State. Mississippi. I love this state. The winters are short and the temperatures are usually pleasant all year around. There are some cold temperatures in the winter months and some extremely hot temperatures in the summer months. From June until the middle of September, it is very very hot. Temperatures have been known to reach up in the upper 100's. True, not the most pleasant temperatures but that's why God made AC, right? =) During the fall and spring months are the best temperatures, in my opinion. My perfect temperatures are 50-80 degrees. Anything lower and higher, I don't like all that much. I don't mind temperatures falling lower than 50 but I don't like temperatures once they reach in the 90's. When they top that high, I'm usually in my pool or inside where the AC is blowing full blast.

I do live in a very hospitable state however, we are not as friendly as some may see. This is by no means bashing my state. I love Mississippi. And for the most part, we are very nice and friendly. But in the heart of Central Mississippi, there is crime, hate, and disgust. I watch the news every night and literally have to shake my head. People being so hateful that they will target the elderly or a guy with no moral standings what so ever, steals a car with two babies in the back seat and then dumping them in the road with no respect for their parents or them. We deal with racism. True, we're not as bad off as most but there is still racism. And that goes both ways. Not only are there still some white people who are racist towards black people, but there are black people out there who are racist towards white people. It's disgusting. There is so much hate and horror here.

Though we do have hate and horror here, we also have the nice world. Like I said, I love this state. We are, for the most part, a very pleasant and happy state. We are right smack in the middle of the Bible belt. Yes, I am a Christian. My denomination is Congregational Methodist only because I was baptised in the church itself. I don't like calling myself any set of denomination because, if I can quote my mother, "It just shows what man has made." Man made denominations. God made Christianity. I like Congregational Methodism the best, however, because it deals with people. I am a very big people person. And that church, we are friends with everyone.

You come down here, you'll see a church at every corner. But if you look closer, you'll see the hate and horror of the real state of Mississippi. I can drive five minutes from my house and be in the ghetto. Though I live in a very safe neighborhood in Florence, the ghetto is not far from my house. We steal deal with robbery and other things. I pray every night and day that the violence stops. It will. I know it. I just have to have faith.

And action!

This is actually very excited. You see, I was offered another position at my church. I love children and I really feel that God is calling me to the Childrens' Ministry at my church. And if I'm not sure on that, I just look back on all the doors that God has opened up for me just from the time I quit the Celebration Choir at church and came to the Nursery for full time. Since Christmas Eve (which was the last time I sang with the Celebration Choir because I had a solo in the song, Light A Candle.), I became teacher of the 2 and 3 year olds Sunday School, I have been offered a full time position as a Nursery Worker in the Infants, Walkers, and Toddler's room. Now, I had already had a position in Childrens Choir because my cousin is the leader and my Godmother is one of the teachers. I am her assistant. So, I already had that. But tonight, God opened up yet another door in the Childrens Choir Ministry. You see, the Childrens Choir is so affectionately called KidZPrayZ. Cute, right? Lisa made that up. There are four total sections in Childrens Choir. The 4 year old choir is first, then 5 year old choir, and then we go to the Music Makers (which is 1st-3rd grade, teachers being myself and my Mama Lori) and the Spirit Singers (which is 4th-6th grade, teachers being Lisa, Martha, and Celeste). When we put on a program, Lisa divides responsibilities up in sections. Usually, one person will take the soloists and work with them, one person will take the drama team and work with them, and then the remaining teachers will do games with the kids. Now, usually, I do games. Tonight, however, Lisa asked me to be in charge of the drama department. That meant I am the drama teacher.

That was yet another door opened up by God. There are times when I want to pull my hair out and want to quit but then I look at my babies and kids and I can't walk away. Andrew is my life, Ashley and David are my armor, and all of my Sunday School kids are my heart. I love all of my kids. And I am more than happy to do anything at my church that deals with kids. As long as God continues to open the doors, I will take on the responsibility.

Tonight was my first taste of being a kind of "director". I took my group of about six kids and I explained my vision. They listened and loved my ideas. We were the last ones to dismiss because we were having so much fun. I have a very good feeling about this drama. It's going to be fun, exciting, and very entertaining. Details of when the program will be will be posted very soon. I do know it'll be either later April or early May at Lakeshore Congregational Methodist Church in Byram, Mississippi. If y'all know where that is, keep looking on my page for more details! It's gonna be FUN! Peace.

"All Rise..."

"All rise. The Honorable Judge Ken Fairly presiding. Be seated, come to order."

I had a court date today. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I left my house at 11AM on the dot and headed North to the Flowood Police Department for my ticket. I had gotten a ticket about a month ago in the Flowood area when I was on my way to see my father in the hospital. My court date was set. March 22, 2007 at 12:00PM. I pulled up, left my purse in my car (as asked by the police officer who met me at the door), and met a woman who was from my town. Her and I sat together when we came in the court room. We got into a good conversation about her and her grandchildren, then about my school and what I was majoring in, and then we talked a bit about my nephew Will. Then, the two clerks came in. I was told, when she called my name and I came up to the counter thingy, that I could either be tried as an adult or student. She told me that since I was enrolled in school and I still live with my parents, the judge would allow me to be tried as a juvenile. Juvenile. That just sounds so...I dunno. So, I told her that I wanted to be tried as a student. She told me to come back at 1 to go before the judge.

So, I walk out to my car and call my parents and told them about the first half of what was going on. They told me to call them when I got out of the second one. So, at about 12:30ish, I go back in and sit in the waiting room until the officer told us we could go in again. So, I went in and sat down. By the time 1 came around, the room was filled and some were even standing. The bailiff ordered everyone to stand. We did and the judge came in. The judge explained a lot of what the clerk explained to us who were in there at 12. He introduced himself, his colleagues, and the clerks. Then, he told us that he would see the students first. We all lined up in front of him. Most were high school. I was the only college age student. He still tried me as a student. He lowered his glasses and asked us one by one what is our plea. I said guilty because I was speeding when I shouldn't have been speeding. True, I had a legitimate reason but that's no excuse for 15 miles over the speed limit.

Once we gave him our plea, he told us a story about a girl who was killed in a car wreck to show us the dangers of having a license and everything. He informed us that we were to write him a 3 page essay on the dangers of driving. But here was the best part. He lowered his glasses again and grinned slightly. His words were, "Now, I bet all of you are wonderin' about your tickets." All of us nodded. He grinned a bit bigger and said, "Well, I ain't gonna make y'all pay the entire fine because I know how much it's gonna cost your parents." All of the parents in that room started applauding. Then, he said, "Instead, I'm gonna take your licenses away for 14 days. The law says I can do it up to 90 days but I think two weeks of grounding is big enough for you guys."

So, after that, I got what I needed for driving school and because my parents weren't with me, I got to keep my license. So, later on that day, me and my dad go back up to the court. We get in the room and he's like, "I'm gonna talk to them about your license." I nodded and we walked in there. He leaned over the counter and looked at the clerk and said, "I know the judge said that he was going to take away licenses to learn a lesson but really and truthfully, this is more punishment to the parents because now we have to carry her around for the next two weeks. Can I just pay the fine of the ticket and her license not get taken away?" The lady was like, "Oh, yeah. That's completely fine. The two week thing was just an alternative. But if you want to pay the ticket, then you can and she won't get her license taken away. But she will still need to come to driving school."

I hope I never have to go through all of that again. I don't speed. I know that. And I will be paying my dad back for the next gajillion years lol. Oh, and even though I have my license, I'm still grounded haha. My dad said I can only drive to and from church, school, and work. I can't do anything all willy nilly. I am grounded until I pay back my dad.

Old School.

1964. My mother was five years old. My father was seven. In this year, TV produced the greatest creation ever made. The classic series, The Addams Family. In my generation, the only reason I know who the Addams Family is is by the cartoon version of the show produced in 1992. I watched that and I watched the movies that were produced in the 90's. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I discovered The Addams Family all began with a series. I always thought it just came out in the 90's. I never knew that the show was a real sitcom.

John Astin, Carolyn Jones, Ted Cassidy, Jackie Coogan, Ken Weatherwax, and Lisa Loring made up the cast. John Astin played Gomez, Carolyn Jones played Morticia, Ted Cassidy played the loveable Lurch, Jackie Coogan played Uncle Fester, Ken Weatherwax played Pugsley, and cute little Lisa played Wednesday. I caught an original episode a couple of weeks ago and I've been hooked ever since. Watching the actual series let me see where the creativity for the movies and the cartoon came from. Though the cartoon and the movies captured, for the most part, the idea of the story, it didn't hold a candle to the original cast. Wednesday and Morticia look a lot alike in the sitcom. That was the first thing I noticed.

The sad part about this is the series ended just after two years. True, they came out with other little movies and shows. It was nothing like the original, however. They released on DVD the original series. And as soon as I get a job, I'm all over that. Until then, I catch reruns on TV Land. It was brave of the producers of the original series to make Morticia and Gomez so in love. Back in that time, it was unheard of to see couples on TV so affectionate. Maybe that's why the series ended so soon. I don't know. But you have to admit, the original show is amazing. It's a pity that Carolyn Jones didn't live long enough to see the success after the series ended. I leave you with this original photo of the cast.

Finding a job is like getting a root canal!

It's harder than you think. I have applied to three different companies for a job. One, St. Dominic Hospital as a day care worker. Two, at Blockbuster in Richland. Three, McAlister's Deli in Richland. I applied to the St. Dominic one like a month ago. I've lost hope in that one. Blockbuster was hiring but when I got there to fill out an application, I was informed that they weren't hiring anymore but to still fill out an application just in case. On my way home today from class, I passed McAlister's Deli. I had worked there a couple of years ago. I thought, what the heck? So, I get there and Barry (general manager) gets me an application. I go home, fill it out, and come back up there. As I walk in, I see the sign that I've been looking for. The infamous Now Hiring sign. I'm thinking, heck yeah. I've worked here before. I'm confident. I should be, right? I mean, I worked there a couple of weeks ago. I halfway know the system. I will need a brush up but I'm feeling pretty confident that I'll get a call back. He told me he had planned on calling me for an interview either today or tomorrow. That works for me. I just hope that I will get a job. I need one. I owe my parents about 200$ for my court fees and ticket fees from the last ticket I got. I told them that I'd give them the money as soon as I get a job.

Working at McAlister's was fun when I did work there. The one in Richland was a blast. The only reason I transfered to the one in Byram was because I had, and I emphasize the word had, a friend who worked there. We're having what most people call a falling out. Basically, she's a word I don't feel comfortable saying. But the definition is a female dog. ANYWAY, I quit the one in Byram because they jipped me on my hours. The one in Richland never jipped me on my hours. Whatever day or time they asked me to come in, I did. And I worked until my manager said, "April, clock out." It's a good job and very close to my house. It's only about a 7 minute drive to and from there. Hopefully, I'll get the job. I need the money in the worst way. And I need a summer job. Hopefully, I will have it. HERE'S TO WISHING!

A very good lesson.

I did learn a very good lesson. So, as my less than happy blog below explains, my mother and I had a bit of a falling out. But the funny thing was, the fight ended just as fast as it began. I wrote her a letter, she read it, then sent one back to me. Though she and I were in the same house, we typed messages to each other as if we were in another state.

All teenagers hate this. Heck, I hate it and I'm in my twenties. There are two words that a teenager does NOT want to hear in sequence. Responsibility Speech. Am I right? Hey, I flat out FEAR that speech. My hit was a bit harder today. But through it all, the most important thing I learned was how to be patient. And independent. My brother is a very independent person. He became independent when he was 16. But why? It's simple and just as easily put by my mother. He's the oldest sibling. I'm the baby. The things that happen to me is because I'm the baby.

I thought my life came crashing down when my mother and I fought today. Let me tell you this, we have NEVER fought like that before. Like it was bad enough to make me cry in front of my mother. And I'm not a cryer. The other thing that set me off was the fact that she told me to shut up even when I tried to apologize. But her saying that made me think about why exactly I was in the boat that I was in.

This lesson kind of goes back to my blog about how crazy the weather is. It is like I said before. You can predict the weather all day long but you don't know for sure what the weather will actually do. I predicted my mother and I would have a great day together. And we did up until our last stop. It's like saying it'll be sunny the entire day and clear the entire night and a freak rain storm comes in and messes up the prediction that the Meteorologist said before. Our fight was the freak rain storm.

Our fight really opened up my thoughts. I'm 20, I'm lazy, I'm stupid, I'm ignorant. But at the same time, I'm creative, I'm smart, and I'm intuitive. My world is like a summer shower. Can't predict em! My mom had every right to be upset. I had every right to be upset. But I think we're stronger. At the end of the day, my mother is still my biggest fan. And I am her's also. That will never ever change no matter how much we fight.

"Dear Mom and Dad..."

The letter won't come until I finish typing this. I am, right now, semi laying on my bed. Tears are falling down my face. My mother and I had the worst fight I think we've ever had and the funny thing is, I didn't realize what I had done until she told me. Today I learned a huge lesson. As I am wiping away the tears that make it hard for me to see my laptop screen, I think about how the day started.

Mom and I were going to go to Open House for the St. Jude house that we had bought a ticket to win. I didn't really want to go but I went anyway because Mom wanted me to go with her. That seemed okay. Then, we went to Zaxbies to eat. Everything was fine there too. But then, we go to Cato. She loves Cato. I can find a couple of things that I like. We were shopping, and this is what is funny. Throughout the entire shopping experience, I was thinking in my mind, "Okay, whatever you do, don't say anything that will set her off and make her mad." I knew I couldn't make her mad because I wanted today to be fun. Well, guess what? It wasn't. And I learned something about myself today. I said one wrong thing. And that one wrong thing made her put everything that she had in her hand on the rack and say to me, "Let's go." God, I tried so hard to not make this happen yet, it did anyway.

I'm not really sure if my mother loves me today or not. I'm sure in the back of her head she does but at the same time, up front, she hates me at this point. I had gotten a few extra items of clothing. I should have known better. I didn't tell her about it but I knew what her choice of words would be if I asked her if I could get a little something extra. She'd sigh and say, "Sure." Not in a cheerful way. In a sort of pissed off way. So, what mistake did I do? I didn't tell her that I got these items of clothing. That was part of our discussion on the way home but not the bulk of it. See, I'm not like my brother. When my brother and my mother got in a fight, Ricky would usually get pissed and as soon as he got home, would leave. Me, if I get in a fight with my mother, even if it's like really small, I cry. It's not to put the guilt trip on anyone in my family it's just the way I handle it when I'm in a fight with someone. I don't mean to put a guilt trip on anyone. I can't help it when I cry. I lost control today on the way home. I tried apologizing and explaining what I'm explaining and am about to explain in this blog to her but she quickly informed me to shut up so, I minded her and only cried softly. When I got home, my intention (which was my intention, no matter what she says,) was to go up to McAlister's and get an application. My plan was when we got out of Cato, I was going to ask her to swing by McAlister's so I could see if I could get an application or talk to the general manager. But that thought left my mind when the fight started. Here comes the letter to my parents. Mom, if you know my blog, then read this.

Dear Mom and Dad,
You know I'm crying as I type this. You probably hear me through my bedroom door. I realize that I am the baby in the family and I got away with more things than Ricky did. I realize that Ricky is the responsible one who got his life together out of high school and is now doing great over in Texas. I realize I'm not like Ricky. I know you will probably scoff and say that this is for another guilt trip but it is not. I'm being sincere and honest and I'd appreciate it if you would read this completely. Mom, you're right. I'm spoiled. You guys have given me everything that I've ever wanted (with the exception of a couple of things that I get myself). Anything that was every in my grasp, you got for me. For the most part, you did the same for Ricky until he got a good job and could provide for himself. But I am not like Ricky. Maybe it's because I'm the baby in the family. You told both Ricky and I that as long as we were in school somewhere, we had a place to stay. However, Ricky didn't take that path. He dropped out, got a great job, packed up, and moved to Dallas. Granted, I don't have a great job like him but that's no excuse for me not having a job now. You guys think I'm not trying to find one. You're wrong. Every day, I'm looking on the Internet and going by places asking if they are hiring. Most tell me no but to fill out an application and they'll keep that on file. I've done it at Kroger, I've done is at Blockbuster, and I've done it at Subway. Also, I have been checking the St. Dominic website trying to see if anything is open there. Nothing would suite me except for the Dominicare job which I have already applied for. Mom, what you said to me when I got ready to go to McAlister's to fill out an application hurt me. Me getting a job didn't just become a priority. Me getting a job didn't become a priority until I got my ticket 3 weeks ago. And In actuality, when I told Leslie that I'd be finding a job elsewhere instead of watching Jordan, I started looking then. You think I'm not trying but I am. And y'know, you're probably looking at this and either shaking your head or laughing. Yeah, you probably don't believe me but what I'm saying is true. Believe it or not, I know it's the truth.

You guys, I do realize that I'm 20 and I still live at home. I do realize that when Ricky was 20, he had a great paying job. Maybe I am lazy. But that doesn't mean I'm not TRYING. Mom, what you said to me when you told me I couldn't go look for a job hurt me. It really did. You telling me to go to my blog on here and saying that you are bitch really hurt me. Mom, I love you. You are my heart and my rock. I admire you. I wish I had your spirit. If anyone's the bitch, I am. I'm not mad at you. That's not why I'm so upset. I'm hurt. I'm hurt because the truth hurts. So many people look up to you and tell you how awesome you are and everything and they tell me how awesome you are and how great you are. You have a lot of fans. Well, your biggest fan is sitting in her room bawling her eyes out because she knows she's screwed up royally. If I could, I'd pack up and leave and show you I can be independent. But I can't. I have two dollars to my name and a little less than a 4th of gas left in my car. You really have no idea how sorry I am for who I am. Contrary to popular belief, I do not get up in the morning and think of ways to either piss you off or make it seem like you hate me. I know you don't but today, the light clicked on. I'm sorry for being the disappointment in this family. I'm sorry for not growing up. I'm sorry for the way I've acted towards you and how I manipulated you. I won't ask you for any help past paying for the ticket. I'm giving you my cell phone and asking you to turn it off. I don't plan on using it again. Cancel my service. I'll buy my own cell phone and my own plan when I have a job and enough money to pay for a bill. As for my car, I do realize that that is a gift but as soon as I get a job, I'll take care of the insurance and maintenance of the car. It's true what you said to me before I came in here to write this. All of this did become a priority. The job didn't but my age did. I'm twenty. I'm old enough to take responsibility. Don't give me back my cell phone. Cancel the service. If I get in a wreck (God forbid), I'll wait until the police get there and then I'll call you guys. As for everything else that I did to you, I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry for lying to you. I've still been having health problems but I've ignored them because I knew you guys were tired of hearing it. The fact of the matter is, I'm still having stomach problems. I only tell you guys that I don't have them because I know what your answer would be. "Ignore them and they will go away." That doesn't work. I do still have problems. I just hide them from you guys. I'm not asking you to do anything. This is just for me to be honest with you guys. Don't take it as me wanting you to do anything. I'll take care of my own medical problems when I get the money to take care of them. True, this experience in Cato did make me realize what was going on and how old I really was. The way I acted would be the way a 12 year old would act. Not a 20 year old. I'm sorry for everything. I take full responsibility for my actions as of 3:44PM March 17, 2007. That's it. I love the both of you, even if you don't right now. I'm sorry for being the semi screw up who is the drama queen acting one who begs for everything and pouts when I don't get it. Won't happen again. I can promise you that.

April

What happened?

The blog above will explain along with a letter to my parents if they know what my blog address is.

What is up with the weather?!

Y'know, I think I'll stop watching the weather channel and bringing up their website to see what the weather will be like. They haven't gotten it right YET. They said we were suppose to get thunderstorms last night. I think I heard one clap of thunder. And on the way home from church, it started raining. It stopped soon after. This morning, I woke up and the sun was shining! Now, granted, the sun isn't shining now. It's cloudy and we just had a shower. Still in all, they were predicting some pretty bad stuff. I didn't see it.

I think in most ways, the weather is like life. You can't predict it. Well, you can predict it but you can't prove it. Isn't that what Meteorologists do? They can't say for sure what the weather will do. Only God can. Isn't that how life is? We can't say for sure what our lives will do. Only God can. I sometimes have to be reminded of that. Sometimes, I think that one thing will happen on a day and then it changes on me in an instant. My dad's health problems is one. I wasn't expecting anything like what we've been through. And to add to everything, we just found out he has Hepatitis C. Another curve ball. See, my dad, Mike Boggan, was in a very bad car wreck in 1971 or 1972. He was with his brother, Ricky Boggan (my brother was named after him). They lost control of their car and crashed. Ricky died because he wasn't wearing his seat belt. My father, Mike, broke both of his legs and had a gash in his head. He was in critical condition. He had to get a lot of blood transfusions. That is how he contracted the disease. That was another prediction my grandparents and my dad couldn't have seen. I'm thankful to say my father is alive and well.

Broken record here. God has a plan for EVERYTHING. He makes the good things happen but He also throws those curve balls to test our faith. My dad may have Hypertension, Diabetes, and Hepatitis C. But God did that for a reason. Satan always loves to put those thoughts in your mind saying, "Blame God. He did it. Your life sucks because of Him." Wrong. It is God that is saying, "I sent you that for a reason. You must learn a lesson in this. I know you can do it." That's what keeps me going every day. Is God sending you "Faith Challenges"?

Judgement

Look at the way she is dressed. She shouldn't be let out of the house with something that wrong on. She's so fat. Does she not know how bad she looks in an outfit like that? Come on. We've all thought this at one place or another. Picture you walk into Wal-mart to get groceries. You stray away from your list and disappear to the electronics section to check out the latest movie or CD. A woman passes by you with a tank top and booty shorts on and she's a bit overweight. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see that? Do you think, aw, look how cute that tank top is. Or, do you think, Holy snipers. Someone get some butter for that roll! We have all been there. We all know what we're looking at.

In the Bible, Jesus tells us not to judge people because we will be judged just as we judged other people. I take those words to heart but even I have trouble when I see someone who (mind you) knows that they are overweight yet they still wear clothes like they're Paris Hilton. I am a bit overweight. Therefore, I know not to wear clothes that are gonna show off my rolls I got in the middle of my stomach.

Judgement doesn't stop at Wal-mart. You're driving down the road and someone cuts you off. What is your first instinct gonna be. Well, mine would be the lay on my horn and call him/her everything but the Child of God but we're not talking about me. First instinct, you probably will lay on your horn for a minutes. Then what? How about this, I wish a police man were here. This person does not need to be on the road. He's a horrible driver. Isn't that what we think? How do we know that they aren't just talking on a cell phone (which is just as bad) and didn't see you? Or he was in a hurry to get somewhere? When we're late for an appointment or late for work or school, don't we speed it up a little bit? Y'know, whip around here and there to get around the lower moving traffic? I use to until I got a ticket slapped on my record. Now, I'm more careful.

Picture this. You're playing outside with your kids (or in my case, nephew). Some kid comes flying by in his car blaring the bass system in his car. What is your first thought when you hear that? Oh, how sweet. WRONG. You think, What a hoodlum. That boy needs to go to the juvenile detention center to get straightened out. Okay, the boy is speeding and he's blaring his radio. So what? I have two older brothers. They are constantly in competition to see who can have the best surround sound in their car. (Ricky's winning by the way. Sorry Scott. You gotta keep up, boi.) So, when a bass system comes down my street, I know it's either my brother Ricky or my brother Scott. And the both of them are very good people. Ricky lives in Dallas and works a great job. Scott lives in Madison with his girlfriend Rachael and Scott works at the Nissan plant. And his paycheck ain't that bad either. Just because a kid comes flying down the street doesn't mean that they are a hoodlum. If your favorite song comes on the radio, what are you gonna do? You're gonna CRANK THAT SUCKA UP! Am I right? Yeah, I'm right.

Judgement comes in all shapes and sizes. We need to watch ourselves and stay clear of judgement. After all, would we want to be judged the same way we judge other people? I don't think so. I probably get judged every place I go because I'm not a big smiler when I'm in public places. If I'm with a friend, I'm smiling but 9 times out of 10 I'm usually alone in Wal-mart doing my shopping. And I don't smile. I smile at the greeter and I smile at the cashier who's checking me out. That's it. So, I would be labeled a snob who has more money than I can count. Why? Because I look presentable when I go out in public. I fix my hair, I do my make-up, and I put on jeans and a random fitted T. Doesn't mean I have the money to blow at Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, and Old Navy. Heck, if I had money like that, then why am I at the redneck Wal-mart in Richland? Hmm? And why don't I live in Madison instead of Florence? Hmm? Yeah, that's right.

Okay, long blog is over. I'm gonna go batten down the hatches for the approaching weather! OH! fun.

Fear

Paranoid, Scaredy-cat, Worry-wart. These three names I know very well. I am, what most people call, paranoid. I do suffer from paranoia. But why? Why should I be scared? I'm a Christian, I know God is protecting me, and I live in the safest neighborhood in Florence, Mississippi. So, why am I still so scared?

I guess it started when my brother still lived at home. Him and I were often left alone when my parents went to work. Ricky and I were the big arguers in my family. My sister and brother never arugued as bad as Ricky and I did. When I got on his nerves too bad, he would take me into the bathroom, turn off the light so I can't reach it, and close the door and lock it. Of course, I scream at him to let me out but he won't.

While I would be sitting there in the dark waiting for him to let me out, (there are no windows in my bathroom) I tried to stay calm. Now, all of this happened when I was about seven or eight. Ricky was either eleven or twelve. Just old enough to start watching me by himself. But while I sat there in the dark, things began to happen. Unexplainable things. Being so young, I still believed in things like the boogeyman and monsters. So, of course, being in a pitch black room, I got scared whenever I heard one sound. He'd usually let me out within five minutes.

Being twenty, you would think I would have forgotten about something that happen almost fifteen years ago. But no. It stayed with me until we moved to Florence. We lived in South Jackson when he did this. Things stayed with me, however, even after we moved to Florence. I would sleep with my door open and turn on the bathroom light (because the bathroom was right next to my room) to sleep. But soon, my dad started turning off the bathroom light saying it was running up the electricity bill.

As years passed, I still feared the dark. And I still fear the dark now. I sleep with my TV on just to have light and noise. If it were completely silent in my room, every bump that I heard would scare me so bad I'd have to get up. I found my mind playing its own tricks on me. Even with the TV on, I would see things. Shadows. Shadows were the worst. Or, I'd be laying in bed, watching TV to relax to go to sleep and I'd see something that looked like a roach crawling up my wall. Of course, I very quickly turned on my light but nothing was there.

The other thing that scared me so bad was when I'd be just about asleep. I'd feel what felt like fingers going across my back. That would freak me out so bad that I'd go and sleep with my mother.

Who knew that what happened fifteen years ago would haunt me even today? I do know that ghosts exist. But I also know that the boogeyman and monsters are not. So, why do I still fear them? Could it have been Ricky? Or was it Satan trying to scare me into blaming it on my brother? I can't answer that. But when I get so scared I can't even sleep, I say a small prayer and that eases my mind enough to fall asleep. God is my security blanket. Not just at night when I'm scared but all of the time in my life.

I miss Winter already.

I don't know if you can technically call Mississippi winter actual winter. In my opinion, it's more like fall. We don't have winters or springs. We have falls and summers. I like the falls and I hate the summers. I love the warm weather. But I don't love these 90's and 100's. They're too HOT. I mean, am I wrong? I would much rather be in Maine enjoying the frigid temps and looking forward to the comfortable springs and summers. Maybe that's just me but you have to admit. The summers are horrible here. These are the times I love the fact I have a pool in my backyard. That eases the hot of the summer but it's still miserable. Admit it. Aight, I'll stop going on about that.

On a side note, my dad is still not doing so good. Prayers are welcomed. Now, I'm off to take my dog to the vet to get his round of shots. He's such a big dog. Maybe I'll drag my dad along with me to help keep him in line.

Faith

It's no secret that a lot of things have happened in my life in the past two years. In 06 alone, I lost four people that were very close to me either by a car accident or illness. It all started in February of 06. I'll never forget this. I was in my bedroom working on some homework when my mom knocks on my door. I get up casually and open the door. I'll never forget what she said. "Honey, you may want to sit down." I could tell by the tone of her voice that something was very wrong. I asked her what this was about and her words to be were, "Braden was in a really bad accident. He died." Braden Bowers is a boy that I went to elementary school with and I was good friends with his older sister, Shannon. His mother, Janie, was my principal and is still considered a mother to me. Braden was involved in a very serious car accident when a van veered in his lane, forcing him into the westbound lanes of I10. He was going eastbound on his way back to school. A car traveling westbound didn't see him in time and he was in a head-on collision. His funeral was very rough.

Not two months later, a man whom I consider to be my grandfather died. He was in his 90's. I couldn't go to his funeral because I had class. I never really got closure for that.

You would think that this would be enough for one lifetime, right? Wrong. In the summer of 06, I started having health problems (and still am dealing with that as well). The doctors were baffled. I went through test after test after test. Finally, just guessing, my doctor diagnosed that it's my gallbladder and I got it removed. Well, that didn't stop. I started feeling bad soon after surgery. My internal medicine doctor sent me to get a colonoscopy and an endoscopy done. Still, it came back with nothing. My parents now think it's in my mind. Well, it's not. Because I'm still experiencing trouble.

Fall came around and I remember it was a really rainy day. I called my mom and she sounded really upset. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that Dwight Cranford had died. Dwight was a very good friend of the family that sang in the choir. He died in that UPS truck driver accident that happened on 49 south near Jerry's. I went through his funeral and it was rough too.

Okay, so it's now December. You would think that now everything would be okay. Again, wrong. We had a parakeet named Buddy. He was the sweetest little thing in the world. We watch WLBT at night and every time the tune for the news report came on, he'd chirp loudly with it. One Saturday morning, he wasn't looking good. So, my mother took him to the vet. He died soon after. He had an acute respiratory infection. And then, 07 came around.

My faith grew so much during all of this. The year of 2006 was just horrible. It was a very unlucky year for me. I'm not superstitious by any means but could this have been 06-06-06? Could that have been why these bad things were happening to me? I mean, after all, my mother went through all of the same things that I went through. My best friend Jamie went through her own trials and tribulations. I knew that if I stayed strong and had the faith that God would help me through this, everything would be okay. And I was right. Things have gotten better with the exception of my father being diagnosed with Diabetes. I will continue to trust that God will protect me and my family. I hope you will trust in God also.

Spring has Sprung!

Disregard this if you live in the northern states and are experiencing snow.

Mississippi is definitely in spring! I can't believe how good it feels outside! I love the month of March. The temps are happily in the upper 60's and lower 70's which is just perfect. I step outside and it feels like paradise. I don't mind the cold weather either. I do mind the hot weather. I must say I hate summers in Mississippi. Those temperatures are just too hot. Really, they are. This past summer those temps were well into the 90's and to me, that's just too hot! My poor air conditioner. It's a wonder that thing hasn't blown up yet.

Take a moment, if you live down here, and just walk outside and smell the air. It's a beautiful, sun shiney day and I'm ready to take advantage of it. I plan on spending as much time as I can outside. I hope you will too. Love you guys.

Peace.

Sean William Pearson.

This is my nephew. His name is Sean William Pearson. We call him Will. He was born December 9, 2005. He's now 14 months old and will be 15 months old on the 9th of this month. His parents are Beth and Sean. Though Beth is my cousin and technically that makes Will my cousin, he is considered my nephew because Mom is considered his grandmother. She refers to Will as her grandson which, in technical terms, makes me his aunt. Or one of his aunts.

I've been around him since he was a small baby. The first day I met him was very soon after he was born. The night that he was born actually. I remember looking at him and saying, "He looks like his daddy." At the time, his father was over seas. Sean is stationed in Oak Grove, Kentucky and will be diployed in October. His wife, my cousin, Beth, is pregnant with their second child. It will be a girl. We're all excited. But this blog is to talk about the cutey whom I refer to as "My Little Buger."

Will looked just like his father when he was born. That nose just screamed Sean. But as he grew, he started looking like his mother. And now, that nose is definitely our side of the family. Like I said, he's 14 months old now. He's at that age where he's saying little bits of things, such as "Dada." "Mama." "Uh-oh." And my favorite, "Who is it?" and "What is it?" He says, "Who is it" when the phone rings. And it's a high pitched voice when he does it too. He says, "What is it" when he gets a hold of something that he's not suppose to have. For instance, the family came down to see us a couple of weeks ago. He got a hold of one of the coasters from the coffee table. He knows he's not suppose to have it and he knows when he has something he's not suppose to have. But he grabbed the coaster, went to his Mama D (My mother) and said in that cute high pitched voice, "What is it?" Mom, of course, laughed but then told him not to get it again. Not five minutes later, he got it again and again, went to my mom and said, "What is it?" Every time we laughed but to teach him, we had to tell him not to get it. He eventually got the hint and then started going for the phones in the house. But for that, he said both "Who is it" and "What is it" He knows he's not suppose to have the phone but he gets it anyway. That little hand was popped many times while he was down here but you can't stay mad at him because he's so cute when he says it.

It's gonna be funny when his little sister comes along. Jealousy will definitely be a factor. I can't wait. My mother is, of course, going up there when the baby is born in July. Hopefully Sean won't be diployed until after the baby is scheduled to come. Her name will be Harleigh but I will call her Leigh. I can't wait to see the little girl. I just hope Sean can see the new baby.

I'll leave you guys with this cute picture from Will's 1st birthday December 9, 2006.

bored..

Yet today was hard ha. Oxymoron, I say.

Bad hair day!

I'm doing something wonderful with my hair. I'm involved in what is called the Beautiful Links campaign. It is headed by Barbie Bassett and Stephanie Bell-Flynt, both at WLBT. What is involved is growing your hair for cancer patients or survivors. Mine is now past my shoulders and MAN is it unmanagable. I've gotten to where I can only leave it down and straight or pull it up in a high pony tail. I can't put it in a low pony tail because knots will mysteriously appear out of no where. Leaving it down is okay but depending on how high the humidity is will say whether I keep it down or pull it up.

Some days, my hair just will not cooperate and I just want to take the nearest pair is scissors and just snip snip snip until it's short back to the way I'm use to. But when I start thinking about that, I think about those cancer patients who don't have the hair that I do. Here I am wishing I could just cut it all off and those women are wishing they had a real wig of hair. That's what keeps me going. I can't wait until May. Not just because I can finally cut it off but because I know the look on those womens faces will be well worth the hassle of attempting to fix this mess every day.

Something interesting.

So, remember yesterday when I told you guys the story of my bird who may have come back? Well, I woke up this morning and another thought came into my mind about a ghost. Well, he wasn't really a ghost but, to my mom, he was kind of a Guardian Angel. His name was Dwight Cranford. If you guys remember, he was the UPS man who was struck by a car on 49 south. It was the day it was raining and all that stuff.

Anyway, the following Saturday, my parents and I were at home getting ready to take all the food for the family up to our church for the service. It started out small. The calendar in my room fell to the ground. Now, he died either in November or December. Or it could have been October. Anywho, my calendar read one of the later months. At first, I thought it was just the fact that so many pages were pushed back and the only thing holding it was a thumb tack. But something puzzled me. The calendar never fell before. Not even with my other calendar's. It was a little freaky for me but I brushed it off as the calendar being too heavy for the thumb tack itself.

I thought that would be all the fun but when my dad left to go to the store, it was just my mother and I. She and I were in the kitchen making sandwiches and stuff. And this we actually witnessed. There is a picture of my brother and I when we were kids. (He was 5 and I was 1.) That picture had never fallen before. Well, this day, it fell. It made both my mom and I jump. We walk into the hallway where the picture fell and just stared at it for a moment. To us, we thought it was just a house shift. We didn't put two and two together. And I had forgotten about the calendar. So, I pick the picture up and hang it once more.

Not five minutes later, we heard another slight crash. We walked to the hall again and this time it was the picture of my brother, me, and my cousins. Now, this puzzled us. I looked at my mom and she was grinning. I asked her what she was grinning about. Chuckling, she said, "It's Dwight." Well, of course first hearing that, chills were sent down my spine. But that was just creepy to us. We picked up the picture and hung it and that's when I told her about my calendar. (Which, btw, when I came back to my room after hanging it back up, it had fallen again.)

But after the funeral, the pictures didn't fall anymore. My calendar has stayed in the exact same spot all this time. Was it Dwight? Did he come back to say, "Hey, I'm here. And I'm okay." Dwight was a very good friend to the family. It would make sense that he came to our house. But I don't know. Anyway, I thought that might be interesting to read.

"Home"

So, I was watching American Idol tonight and they have a new "go home" song by Daughtry. The lyrics were so fantastic and emotional that I just had to post it. The song is called Home. Here are the lyrics to it.

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

God bless all of you. Peace.

Buddy the Ghost?

I had a parakeet. His name was Buddy. He died back in December due to an acute upper respiratory infection. Acute is nothing to us humans but to a little parakeet like Buddy, it's deadly. So, that was a couple or three months ago. My mom was devasted. Buddy was her bird. It was originally suppose to be my bird but Buddy took to Mom more. They were so cute. She'd get down to his level in his cage and press her lips to the bars of the cage and Buddy would fly over to the edge and peck her, as if to kiss her. It was so cute.

I think today, Buddy came to me. I was getting in the shower and I turned on my shower getting ready to take it when I heard this high pitched kind of whistle. And the whistle sounded so much like Buddy that I actually stopped what I was doing and listened. I had heard whistles before but not like this. This sounded so close to the way that Buddy would chirp it sent chills down my back. We watch WLBT every night. And at the 6pm report, Buddy would chirp loudly at the theme music. And that is what this sounded like.

My shower does make a whistle sound when I turn it on but it sounded like Buddy. It stopped soon after I got in the shower. Could it have been my shower? Or was it my mother's sweet parakeet saying, "Hey, I'm here! I'm okay, I promise. Love you, bye." I won't say any of this to my mother because she is really sensitive when it comes to Buddy. But could Buddy have come back to me to let my mother know? I don't know. I'll tell my dad about it but he won't believe me. How much do you wanna bet? Anyway, that was my fun of the day. I'm gone to the Florence High vs Terry High baseball game. GO DAWGS! I know that's horrible because I live in Florence yet I'm cheering for the Terry High team. How bad will my house be egged and rolled by tomorrow morning. Hmmm...